Hoping for change.

I started writing this blog.

Then I decided to go for a run to clear my head.

I ran. For 4 miles. It was beautiful. It reminded me that this world is beautiful. And that I'll be okay.

I came home clear headed, with a cute dog cuddled up to me on the couch, and I decided something:

Silence isn't going to create change.

Actually, what I have to say might not change anything either. But at least I'll know I've tried.

Hey. My name is Sarah. And... surprise... I'm gay. I know, you're shocked, right? Well, I was too. Actually, when I realized I was gay I wasn't really shocked. It made the first 20 or so years of my life make sense. In fact, it was more like a, "Sarah how did you not figure this out sooner" type of feeling. When I realized I liked girls, I really was just sad. And mostly really confused about what to do with my new found realization.

I spent the next six years basically beating myself up in silence. I kept all of my sorrow, heartache, frustration, and sadness to myself. Luckily, I'm a strong soul, and I survived.

Then one day I decided I was done hiding. I was done lying to my adorable family, my wonderful friends, and myself. I had tried to change how I felt. I spent 6 years trying to ignore myself.

And then one day, I let go.

I let go, and I haven't been happier.

Because, little did I know I'd have the support of my family, my friends, my co-workers, just about everyone. No matter what they believed, or how little they understood what I was going through, they accepted me. And loved me just like how they did when they thought I was straight.

And, that's exactly how I want it to be. I don't want being gay to be something that defines me. I want people to know me, Sarah, for who I am. Liking girls should be as important as my love for the Red Sox. I'm Sarah, I like running, my dog Eva, my family, the mountains, skiing, politics, and Mexican food. Side note: I also like girls. I don't need a rainbow sticker, a float in the parade, or special treatment. I just want to be known for being me, not by my sexual orientation.

I've always been an optimist. Always. It's ingrained in me to look on the bright side of life. Yesterday, for the first time, I felt the biggest wave of negativity. All of a sudden, this world I found so beautiful and wonderful became so black and sad.

Because I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints, yesterday hit really close to home. I love and respect the LDS church. So much. In fact, I have respect for practically everyone who believes in something. Whether that be the astrology or Islam. Everyone is different, and everyone needs their own way to worship. Who am I to judge?

Which is why I can't stop Elder Packer for saying what he said yesterday in his conference talk, because... hello first amendment, say whatever you want! Freedom of religion! Speech! Yay freedom! And, through all of the Prop 8 arguments, although I can politically argue the fundamental rights all human beings have to get married, I can't ever be upset for the LDS church for supporting Proposition 8. I just can't.

But I do draw a line. It is on the topic of "choice." And, when Elder Packer said (in reference to homosexuality):

Some argue that “they were pre-set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural,” he said. “Not so! Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember he is our father.”

I can't help but want to scream. Dear universe, I didn't choose this life. In fact, I didn't choose my curly hair either. Being gay isn't fun. It is hard! Dating is hard! Going on a date with a girl and having the host say, "get these two girls a table by some cute boys" gets old! Being gay wasn't some party I decided to attend. Or a team I chose to root for (pun intended). I'm gay because I was born that way.

You may not agree, but medical associations do. And when the LDS church tells it's members that being gay is a choice you can overcome, it makes me feel awful. It makes me feel like everyone is going to look at me and think, "look at that sinful lifestyle you chose." And those who are struggling accepting themselves are going to go deeper into their closet. Children are going to feel justified bullying their peers.


Anyway, I'm not trying to start an argument. I don't want to argue. I think Brandon Burt from City Weekly says it best:

Naturally, many folks who feel unfairly targeted by President Packer's statements will respond with ridicule and derision. Yet, even though the issue of homosexuality is emotionally charged and generates strong feelings on both sides, lashing out in anger against a simple statement of belief accomplishes little. It serves only to foment contention and resentment, reinforcing the harmful and false belief that LGBT equality represents some kind of threat to all Mormondom.

And that I'm not arguing "the right of a religious leader to speak his mind. The same Bill of Rights that guarantees our right to free speech also guarantees our religious freedom. That means churches are free to recognize same-sex marriages, or to forbid them, as they choose. They are free to believe and preach that gays are addicted, or immoral, or even (as some sects propound) possessed by demons."

And the same goes for you. And anyone I meet. You are free to believe whatever you want. I do, however, have one simple request.

If you are married, not married, Mormon, Jewish, atheist, 20 years old, 50 years old, a Yankees fan... and straight. And you believe that all human beings should be allowed to live this life without ridicule or being told that they can control their sexual orientation, take a stand.

Ten million gay people protesting about gay rights isn't going to change the mind of those around us. It is the straight people supporting their gay friends, siblings, daughters and sons. That's where the revolution lies.

And even if you aren't the "go out and picket with a sign" type. It's as simple as telling your gay friends you love and support them no matter what. It really is that simple. Because knowing that my friends love me for who I am means more to me than a marriage or a law giving me equal rights. Support. Love. Compassion. That's what makes this world okay.

Or, if you want to do more, donate to a few good campaigns, sign a petition, or post this video on your Facebook:



As I step down from my soapbox, my soapbox of confessions (haha), I just want it to be known that all I'm looking for in this life is to be me. To be Sarah. To be a good sister. A good daughter. A good friend, employee, neighbor, and citizen of this planet. I want to spread hope and peace, and love and compassion. I want to love you for who you are, and whatever you might believe. And make sure that I support you in becoming the best you.

And, dang, I still consider myself really lucky to be so blessed.

I'll end with some Brandi, because that's what I do, and because I still believe things will get better. I just can't help it: